


Making Memories

by parttimehuman



Series: Rarepair Galore [15]
Category: Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Crushes, First Kiss, Happy Ending, Light Angst, M/M, Mutual Pining, Softness, twlivebingo
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-10
Updated: 2019-03-10
Packaged: 2019-11-14 23:20:35
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,739
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18062138
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/parttimehuman/pseuds/parttimehuman
Summary: Josh is stuck in the memory of himself running away when he was supposed to kiss Mason on the lips during a game of truth or dare in high school. Years later, they meet again. Old memories appear in a new light and new ones are made.





	Making Memories

**Author's Note:**

  * For [xTarmanderx](https://archiveofourown.org/users/xTarmanderx/gifts).



> Josh/Mason + First Kiss for the TWlive Bingo
> 
> For Tara, because she deserves nice things. I swear, I didn't intend to drag it out so much.

Depending on how you see it, Josh has either shared many kisses with Mason, or none.

 

It's the birthday party from someone Josh knows from college, although knowing really only means they shared a class he didn't even attend like, once, maybe, but that's beside the point. The point isn't that Josh is sitting in a corner of a house he's never been in before all by himself, sipping at his second beer because it's still too early in the night to get completely wasted. The point isn't that he's in college now but still as awkward and socially incapable as ever, still watching from the outside while others have fun and let go, licking tequila shots off of each other and dancing, or straight up having sex in some dimly lit corner where absolutely everyone can see them if you just take a look.

 

The point is, Mason is here.

 

Josh wasn't naïve enough to think that his life would change after graduating from the hell they call high school. He never believed in all that 'real life starts now' bullshit, so he's neither surprised nor disappointed by the fact that he's still the loner weirdo he's always been. Things don't simply change over night.

 

One thing though, he definitely should have left behind in Beacon Hills, burning along with his school books and memories of more than unpleasant teenage years, and that thing is his huge, silly, ridiculous and utterly hopeless crush on Mason Hewitt.

 

If Josh was a blonde girl in a trashy movie, this would be his second chance, granted by the universe now that he's older and wiser and people are less mean to him, but he's not, and Mason doesn't enter the room in slow-motion, and besides, their story is a completely different one.

 

As far as Mason knows, there probably isn't even a story apart from that one night when they were sixteen and playing truth or dare, and a skinny loser kid didn't have the guts to go through with his dare and kiss him on the lips - the end.

 

For Josh, the whole thing starts a little earlier, and apparently, the last chapter isn't written yet. If you think now that Josh fell in love with Mason because he was the unattainable, hot jock that everyone loved in high school and who you just had to obsessed with, you're wrong. It would have been fatal enough that way, but the truth is better, or worse. For Josh, definitely worse.

 

Mason wasn't the alpha jock and prom king in high school. In fact, he wasn't even on any of the sports teams. Sure, his best friend Liam Dunbar was the captain of the lacrosse team and Mason was close with a whole lot of other cool people at school, but that's never been it.

 

The thing about Mason is, he's awesome. He's pretty, yes. Pretty hot, actually. More importantly though, he's kind. Mason is always friendly towards everyone, helps where he can and sticks up for others. Everybody knew back in high school that Mason Hewitt was who you went to if you needed help with something. He was smart and funny and caring even if you weren't one of his friends. Basically, if everyone had had a little more Mason Hewitt in them, Josh is pretty sure he would not have had a problem with high school at all.

 

On top of all that, Mason was one of the first openly gay students attending Beacon Hills High, and the first in Josh's year, and therefor, a hero. Josh doesn't remember there being any drama about him coming out. Mason was proud of who he was and everybody loved him. He was too amazing to be sad about being gay, but still, in Josh's opinion, every single person who's ever had to come out of whatever kind of closet deserves an award, and should be called a hero.

 

In the end, none of those things alone are the reason why Josh fell for Mason, or why he never got over him. It's all of them together, and then a little something special on top that can't be put into words, that doesn't follow logic at all. It simply is like that.

 

Josh accepted his fate in freshman year of high school, and has been pining ever since. The sweet sixteen birthday party that he fled with a racing heart after not being able to gather up the courage to kiss Mason on the lips in front of everyone else lingers in his memory like a painful reminder that it's just not supposed to be.

 

Josh knows better than to be bitter about it. They graduated, they both went their way, moved away from Beacon Hills and off to college. Mason will make someone the luckiest person on earth one day, possibly already has, and Josh? Josh was supposed to find someone new to daydream of all the time.

 

It didn't work, still doesn't, but it's been easy to pretend otherwise with Mason nowhere near him and a whole lot of other college related things to worry about. Now that he's walking right into the party that Josh is at without really participating, it feels like not a day has passed.

 

The same tingly feelings are right there in his belly, the same quickened pace of his heartbeat. There's this longing, this deep and urgent need to reach out a hand and touch him, to caress his cheek and say something, do something, anything. Josh thought he's gotten those kind of emotions under control, but Mason showing up out of nowhere and completely unexpected is taking him off guard, and he's losing his shit so badly, he isn't even sure he remembers how to breathe.

 

Blending right in with the wallpaper and furniture at parties is one of his few talents, partly thanks to many years of practice, but of course, the one time it truly matters, it doesn't work. There are enough other people present, all of them more interesting than him, and surely, none of them feel the same kind of embarrassment towards Mason as him, but the pretty brown eyes that have never looked at him the way he wants them to so badly land on him, just for a second at first, skipping over him and continuing to scan the room, but they're back immediately, along with a widening smile that warms something on his inside, no matter how uncomfortable Josh feels.

 

"Hey, it's you!" Mason says cheerily. He grabs a beer someone offers him, because he's that guy, the guy who doesn't have to ever get drinks for himself. Josh doesn't blame him, he just wishes he was good enough for a guy like that. Yeah, it's him, same old Josh, ever the silent dude in the corner who nobody really pays attention to, and Mason looks even better than he remembered, especially up close, and anyway, why is he suddenly sitting down next to Josh?

 

"You go to college here?" Mason asks. He looks thrilled, not at all like it's Josh who he's running into, more like it's someone cool and worth talking to. "How's it going?"

 

"Uh, yeah," Josh answers, taking another sip of his beer, because god knows he needs it. "Going great. You?"

 

"Well," Mason smiles, "I'm just visiting a friend who goes here, and to be quite honest, I wasn't that excited to go to this party, but I had no idea there was a chance of meeting you here!"

 

One day, Josh will figure out how to sound so enthusiastic towards people.

 

"I'm not even entirely sure whose party this is, exactly," he shrugs. He really doesn't.

 

"So that's why you're sitting here in the dark, huh?"

 

Josh feels called out, but Mason is smiling at him and it's really hard to focus. He just blushes and shrugs his shoulders, looking down. He's so terrible at socializing, it's really not funny anymore.

 

"So I take it you haven't found the dog yet?"

 

"What?"

 

Josh isn't really following. Did he miss something because he was daydreaming again?

 

"Or is there no dog?" Mason asks seriously. "What? Why are you looking at me like that?" Josh blushes even deeper and averts his eyes. He's not just a creep, he's also too stupid to hide it. "You don't hang out with dogs at parties you don't really want to be at? Oh god, don't tell me you don't like dogs. Please."

 

"Are you kidding me? Who doesn't like dogs?!" Josh replies, possibly a little too passionately, so he calms his voice down before he continues. "I don't think there's one here though."

 

"That's fine," Mason says, "humans are fine, too. Sometimes."

 

"Debatable," Josh points out as they watch a couple of clearly drunk girls stumbling and falling onto the floor, landing in a pile of limbs and extensions and not as many clothes as one would expect.

 

Mason laughs at that, then turns his head and looks into Josh's eyes. Maybe Josh is dying right now, melting into a puddle at Mason's intense stare, who even knows? It seems possible.

 

"Come with me," Mason says, and then he's up on his feet, and then he's holding out a hand, and Josh isn't pathetically romantic, no, there are definitely sparks when their hands touch, even if he's the only one who can feel them. Mason pulls him up and leads the way to the kitchen.

 

"What are we doing?" Josh wants to know. What  _ are _ they doing? And why does it require hand-holding?

 

"We're having a drink," Mason says, pouring different liquids in two plastic cups and handing one to Josh. "There might not be a dog in this house, but that doesn't mean the night is lost, right?"

 

Josh wants to agree to whatever he says, because Mason's hand in his own feels really really good and the drink tastes a lot better than expected and the next song that comes on is actually not that bad, and maybe he doesn't have the courage to ask Mason to dance with him, but he can try pulling him towards the living room, where couches are pushed to the walls to create some sort of dance floor in the middle.

 

"You're actually not a bad dancer," Mason whispers into Josh's ear a couple of minutes later, and wow, his lips are really close. Josh can feel his breath tickling his neck, and he knows it's because the music is loud and Mason needs to lean in so he can hear him, but a boy can dream, right? "Why did I never know you could dance like this?"

 

Josh shrugs his shoulders and gives him a smile. It's not like Mason had any reason to know things about him when they were in school together. It's not like they would have gone to Sinema together or anything. It's kind of a pointless question. Josh hasn't ever really danced anywhere except for his room at home while tidying up and cleaning it.

 

It's really nice with Mason. The alcohol has made him just the right kind of carefree but not drunk and the music is okay, if not great, but what does he care when Mason is right there with him, holding his hands and moving his hips and then wrapping his arms around Josh's neck, smiling against his cheek. For a while, Josh is in his own little bubble where nothing but him and Mason and some music exists, and everything's fine, and neither the past nor the future matters.

 

The happiness lasts until this one song comes on, taking Josh right back in time, to a point when life was a different one but his heart was exactly the same.

 

He knew back then he had no business playing truth or dare with the cool kids. He only did it because he saw Mason sitting on the floor, so he joined the circle and hoped. Hoping was all he ever did, all day every day. Watching and waiting and longing for something he wouldn't ever have. His heart was going crazy as the bottle was spinning, slowing down, passing by boys and girls who didn't matter.

 

Was it luck or the opposite of it when it landed on Mason? Josh still isn't sure. He wasn't used to wanting something, someone, and he didn't know how to deal with it. Mason was kind, so he didn't show any sign of disgust, or even disappointment. He even came over to kneel in front of Josh. He was right there, looking all pretty. A boy, a gay boy, and Josh was supposed to kiss him. It was all he wanted, and an inch or so was all that was missing. Mason had his eyes closed, and so did Josh. They were almost touching.

 

That day, it didn't happen, because Josh had the most precious thing in the world right in front of him, and he was too scared of doing something wrong. A dozen other kids were watching them, cheering them on, waiting for something. Their kiss was supposed to entertain them, to make them laugh. It didn't mean anything to them except a funny thing that was happening at a birthday party. They were going to kiss, and then the bottle was going to be spun again, and then what? The party was going to go on, just like that. Because the moment didn't mean anything special. Not to anyone else. But to Josh, it meant everything.

 

In his head, later, Josh replayed the moment countless times. He imagined them actually kissing. He imagined the taste of Mason's lips and how it would feel to take his face in his hands. What it would feel like to be kissed back. He dreamed about it every night, over and over again, about himself and Mason, in a million different places, meeting in a million different ways. A million different conversations leading them to the point where they were breathing against each other's lips. A million different scenarios that all ended in the best kiss of Josh's life, although it wasn't ever more than a dream.

 

The song ends and Josh opens his eyes. He doesn't trust himself. He really shouldn't get lost in those kind of memories right now. He's pathetic enough for still having such strong feelings about them anyway.

 

"I used to love that song," Mason says with a big smile as the last notes are fading. He's got his arms around Josh's neck and he looks absolutely breathtaking this close.

 

"Me too," Josh breathes out, carefully, as if he has to be careful not to break anything. The moment, maybe. Another one of those moments. Real, this time, although Mason is moving closer just like he does in every single one of the dreams, without really moving at all, eyes dropping from Josh's eyes to his lips and then up again before the lids flutter shut.

 

If he ever gets another chance, Josh has told himself a thousand times, he will sure as hell not waste it.  There's only so much regret one can feel. He didn't think he'd ever see Mason again, let alone talk to him, or get a second chance for a first kiss. Now it's there, unexpected and overwhelming, sweet and bitter at the same time. All he needs to do is to lower his head and put his lips on Mason's. Just one little movement and he'll know if it's anything like he's always imagined. It was so far away for so many years, and now it's right there.

 

Josh wants to, and it's not a new feeling anymore. It feels as old as time and completely familiar. He closes his eyes and takes a deep breath out. It's happening.

 

It's happening, he's sure of it. Except it isn't, because he's waited too long, and Mason isn't holding still for him anymore. Instead, he exhales deeply and lets his head drop against Josh's shoulder.

 

"I'm sorry," Mason mumbles. It's a surreal moment, the two of them in the middle of the dance floor, not dancing anymore. Mason's arms are still around Josh's neck and Josh's are still around Mason's waist. They're close, physically, but emotionally, Josh just put a million miles between them. What a way to ruin one's own life. He doesn't know what to say, especially since Mason is somehow the one apologizing now.

 

Josh pulls away. He wishes he could find comfort in Mason's warmth and the breathing against his neck, but it's too much, and it isn't his to enjoy, and it's his own fault, because apparently, Josh is the dumbest person on earth. He leaves, because what else is there to do? It's not like he's going to get a third chance.

 

"Josh?"

 

There's no point in turning around. He doesn't have the words to explain himself.

 

"I'm sorry," he presses out, and then he walks away, out of the house into the cold, silent night air where he can finally breathe.

 

"Josh?" Mason asks again. Josh didn't think he'd follow him. Why is he hurting him like this?

 

"I'm sorry," he says again. There's not a really a more appropriate apology for the epic way he's fucking up everything good and nice in his life, is there?

 

"It's okay that you don't want to kiss me," Mason says quietly, standing a few feet away from him. "I should have asked you first anyway. It was really nice dancing with you and I just, I forgot myself. I'm sorry."

 

"It's not-" Fucking hell, it's not even remotely like what Mason is thinking right now.

 

"Look," Mason continues, speaking softly. "It was great to see you and it might have taken me back to high school and I just- I just really wanted to kiss you pretty much all through high school but it never happened and so when we were so close just now, I thought..." His voice turns into nothing but a whisper that carries through the air and gives Josh chills. "I thought it was our second chance, because I'm that kind of a pathetic romantic. I'm sorry."

 

At first, a nod is all that Josh manages. They're silent for a moment. "I didn't think you still remembered that almost kiss," he says.

 

Mason comes closer until he stands right in front of Josh. "There hasn't been a day where I didn't wish it had been more than that."

 

Josh might actually faint and then die.

 

"Can you say that again?"

 

"I can," Mason replies. "Or I can tell you a little story." Josh doesn't have any objections, so he listens while Mason talks, feeling how his heart goes faster and his knees become really weak. "I had this huge crush on this boy when I was in high school. I don't even remember when it started, or how. It was just normal that I would always look for him everywhere. I drew little hearts with his name it them in my notebook during class and all that. I didn't know if he liked boys, and I wouldn't even have dreamed of him liking _ me _ ."

 

Josh presses his eyes shut and swallows. What Mason is telling him sounds so familiar.

 

"All my dreams seemed to come true that one day at this stupid birthday party. He wasn't usually the type who would join us playing truth or dare, but for some reason, that one time, he did. And he got dared to kiss me. I was so scared, and it was awkward as hell, but it still broke my heart when he didn't."

 

"The reason was you," Josh says. "I joined in for you."

 

"And yet you didn't kiss me," Mason points out. He raises one hand really slowly and tips Josh's chin up so that he can look right into his eyes. It's just the two of them, this time, no party. "Why didn't you kiss me that day, Josh?"

 

Josh is trying really hard to remember all the reasons, but he isn't so sure about them anymore. Now that Mason is with him, saying those things about having a crush on him, about wanting to kiss him, he can't really say what it was exactly.

 

"I wanted to know you wanted it too," Josh says.

 

"I wanted it too," Mason replies, taking his hands and intertwining their fingers, pulling Josh closer.

 

"I wanted it to be just you and me, nobody else."

 

"It's just you and me," Mason whispers, "nobody else."

 

"I wanted it to be right. It wasn't right. It- it was too important."

 

"It is," Mason says, nodding. "It means the world."

 

Josh can absolutely not take the tension anymore. He's been carrying things inside him for years that have affected him, that are affecting him, but now for the first time in a slightly different way. He pulls Mason in his arms and hugs him, wraps his arms around him and holds him tight. He can't stop the stupid-grinning, unless not until Mason pulls back just a little, just with his face and not the rest of his body, just enough so that his lips brush Josh's cheek as he moves and they can look into each other's eyes.

 

Josh can't run anymore, not now that he knows there's never been a reason to. He takes Mason's face between his hands like he's always imagined, except in his dreams, his hands weren't so shaky and his heart never racing quite this badly. He leans in, and maybe he's a little quick, pressing their lips together, not all that gently, but he's afraid of that moment before that's gotten in his way before, so he simply skips it. They can work out the finer details later.

 

Mason has his hands in Josh's back, pressing him close as he kisses back. They kiss until their feet are cold and their lips a little swollen. Mason's kisses taste fantastic, nothing like Josh has imagined, but better, a thousand times better.

 

"Hey so, since this dumb party doesn't have a dog anyway," Mason says, speaking directly against Josh's lips, "how about we go home instead?"

 

It's about damn time, Josh decides. "Let's go." He's holding Mason's hand as they walk off into the night. He'll try his best not to make the same fuss about any of their other first times together, definitely.


End file.
